Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
