are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
