y did u give ur computer a hand job?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
