I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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