I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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