last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
