You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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