: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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