what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
