My liver just broke up with me...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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