My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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