After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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