ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
