all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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