Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
