i think i have herpe
just one?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is her dick bigger than yours?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
