3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
