There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
