dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
