i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
