Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
