I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
