btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize