I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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