Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
