Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
