he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
