I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
