I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize