woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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