I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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