Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Shame - the story of my life.
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