I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize