why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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