Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize