I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize