The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
