i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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