I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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