Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
