i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
