Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
