you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
