My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
