It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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