My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
