my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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