Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
