so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
