the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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