Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
