Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
