Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
