Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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