And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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