I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
