Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize