i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
