It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
