I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think people are normalizing furries
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
