Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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