Can i not drive my cunt home
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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