im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
