so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize