Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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