Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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