you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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