I showed him my bush... on skype.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
