the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
