Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
