He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
