Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
True strength comes from lack of pants
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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