New low: just hacked my moms facebook
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
