you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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