You can't special order awesome
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize