do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
