We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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