i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
