At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
