In the future we'll all be gay
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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