So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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